


Sent From My iPhone At 2:30 PM

by baliset



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Gen, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 05:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7877953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baliset/pseuds/baliset
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of text messages from the Adventure Zone college AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sent From My iPhone At 2:30 PM

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the discord chat's college au! there might end up being more to this after the first part but who fucking knows. also everyone is a human and college student for the purposes of this fic (angus is still younger than everyone because he skipped many many grades). there were more emojis in this originally but the unicode text made ao3 shit itself? the more you know i guess
> 
> all credit to edlington's fic 'who even has bike pegs anymore?' for the nicknames in the tres horny boys chat tbh

**[Chat: Bureau Of Buffoonery]**

 

 **Taako Bell:** lads  
****

**Taako Bell:** midnight screening of critically acclaimed classic tommy wiseau film the room in the new freshman dorm’s viewing room tonight y/y

 **Sweet Flips 1:** Taako do you even have to ask this question

 **Burnsides:** You ran into the suite and screamed this at me and Merle like two seconds ago and the answer is still yes

 **Extreme Teen Bible:** And still a yes from me.

 **AVI:** wait the new freshman dorm has a viewing room?????

 **AVI:** i mean, cant come, at frat party off campus, but still wtf the fuck

 **Kravitz:** Please do not subject the freshmen to your awful, awful taste in movies.

 **Taako Bell:** youre tearing me apart kravitz

 **Hugbear:** WHAT IS THE ROOM AND WHY ARE WE SO EXCITED ABOUT IT

 **Ram Bam Thank You Ma’am:** Oh, Klarg.

 **Ram Bam Thank You Ma’am:** You sweet summer child.

 **Ram Bam Thank You Ma’am:** Also Sloane and I will be there, just heading out from the rink now!

 **✨Ren✨:** Paloma and I will bring snacks!!!

 **Extreme Teen Bible:** FUCK yes.

 **Burnsides:** Should we invite jenkins and those guys orrrrr

 **Taako Bell:** magnus

 **Taako Bell:** maggie

 **Taako Bell:** my dude

 **Taako Bell:** my man

 **Taako Bell:** my trusted roommate and compatriot  
****

**Taako Bell:** look me in the fucking eyes

 **Taako Bell:** and try that one more time  
****

**Burnsides:** So that’s a no right

 **[sad trombone noise]:** do we really have to watch tommy wiseau’s sex extravaganza a third time

 **Extreme Teen Bible:** I would personally love nothing more than to see Tommy Wiseau’s bare ass at least one more time before I die.

 **Burnsides:** Anyway I invited Ango hope that’s cool

 **Taako Bell:** WHY WOULD YOU INVITE HIM HE IS A CHILD

 **Taako Bell:** MAGNUS

 **Nerdcromancer:** hey this sounds like a cool and fun time but ive been in the computer lab trying to get my fucking game to work for five hours and im also dying so like

 **Nerdcromancer:** if you stumble upon my withered husk hunched over a mac tomorrow morning tell my mom i really hate those new curtains she bought but i lied to make her feel better

 **Nerdcromancer:** also im willing my wii u to johan

 **Sweet Flips #2:** alas poor lucas!!! i knew him, horatio

 **[sad trombone noise]:** sweet

 **✨Ren✨:** Can I have your Rei body pillow?

 **Extreme Teen Bible:** His WHAT

 **Taako Bell:** HIS WHAT

 **Nerdcromancer:** STOP

 **AVI:** whats up fuckers guess who just did a kegstand

 

**[Chat: Roommate Hell Zone]**

 

 **Johan:** more seriously though do you want me to bring you a coffee or sth?? i’m literally at the library cafe right now let me know

 **Lucas:** haha no im good dude

 **Lucas:** except for like the part where ive been trying to finish this game for five hours while im still technically on shift and freshmen keep asking me how to connect to the fucking wifi

 **Lucas:** or to fix their laptops

 **Johan:** did you fix them though or just install adobe reader

 **Lucas:** lmfao who do you think i am

 **Johan:** honestly i’m amazed that you haven’t been fired yet

 **Lucas:** thats our secret johan

 **Lucas:** no one from it actually does any it work

 **Lucas:** hey actually can you grab me an iced chai latte i’ll pay you back

 

**[Chat: Nuts To Butts]**

 

 **Lucas:** hey tres horny boys are trying to plan some kind of movie night and getting nowhere w it so if you guys can get into the freshman dorm viewing room in like the next half hour you can steal it from them

 **Lucas:** just a cool life protip

 **Magic Brian:** that’s perfectly evil and i love it. what should we watch?

 **Marvey:** a longass movie

 **Marvey:** les miserables

 **Lucas:** how was that your first mental jump from Longass Movie

 **Lucas:** no wait actually dont tell me

 **Lucas:** i vastly prefer being consistently surprised by your hidden depths marvey

 **Jenkins:** I will bring the Pride and Prejudice BBC miniseries.

 **Marvey:** sounds gr8

 **Magic Brian:** jenkins i love you but i cannot go through that six hour hell again. pick something else, please.

 **Jenkins:** Well, if you’re going to critique anything I pick, what would you suggest we watch?

 **Magic Brian:** jupiter ascending?

 **Marvey:** please tell me you don’t actually own that on dvd bri

 **Jenkins:** We are absolutely not watching that.

 **Lucas:** well ill let you boys figure this one out on your own

 **Lucas:** are we still on for mtg tomorrow btw

 **Jenkins:** Ostensibly yes, provided that the other two actually show up instead of sleeping off hangovers this time.

 **Magic Brian:** LISTEN it was ONE TIME and i was out with my BOYFRIEND, jenkins

 **Jenkins:** All I’m saying is that it looks bad when the head of the Magic: The Gathering club neglects to actually attend the Magic: The Gathering club.

 **Marvey:** lmfao he’s got you there bri

 

**[Chat: Bureau of Buffoonery]**

 

 **Sweet Flips #2:** oh how did derby go btw hurley???

 **Quoth The Raven:** shes driving sorry

 **Quoth The Raven:** it was good tho

 **Quoth The Raven:** we wrecked shop

 **Sweet Flips 1:** Hella

 **N03113:** Wait who were yall playing??

 **Quoth The Raven:** phandolin phury

 **Sweet Flips 1:** Oh THOSE guys

 **Burnsides:** Hey are we boozin it up at this thing or what

 **Kravitz:** Please do not bring alcohol to the freshman dorm.

 **Taako Bell:** kravitz my dude i dunno how to break this to you but the freshmen have been drinking since day 1

 **Kravitz:** I know this, but please let me pretend otherwise.

 **Kravitz:** I can’t actually bust them unless someone comes to me and complains, or they’re stupid enough to do it in plain sight.

 **Burnsides:** Has anyone told them about pub safe’s no-chase policy yet

 **Kravitz:** Could someone please remind me why I’m a part of this chat?

 **Burnsides:** Can I start telling them the story of how I jumped out a second story window during a party bust

 **Extreme Teen Bible:** I don’t think there’s ever a bad time for that story, Magnus.

 **Favorite Deputy:** Did somebody say underaged drinking?

 **Taako Bell:** oh shit it’s the 5-0

 **Taako Bell:** scatter

 **Favorite Deputy:** I actually just got off duty and saw this! I can bring blankets and popcorn if that is okay.

 **Hugbear:** I WILL BRING DRINKS

 

**[Chat: Tres Horny Boys]**

 

 **TUFF BOI:** ohhhhh my god am i not being obvious enough

 **TUFF BOI:** how do i get kravitz to come to this fucking thing so i can make out with him

 **ruff boi:** Wait you were flirting

 **Gruff Boi:** Taako was flirting? When?

 **TUFF BOI:** ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god

 **ruff boi:** Isn’t that gonna be weird if Klarg also shows up

 **TUFF BOI:** i mean HOPEfully not

 **TUFF BOI:** but if things get dicey i can pull a magnus burnsides (™) and crawl out a window

 **TUFF BOI:** oh btw i was gonna use the oven to make edibles this weekend

 **Gruff Boi:** NICE

 **ruff boi:** Drugs are bad you guys

 **Gruff Boi:** Please spare us the lecture this time Magnus.

 **TUFF BOI:** no no merle our friend magnus is right

 **TUFF BOI:** i smoked weed once and it made me gay

 

**[Chat: Definitely Not Taako’s Weed Dealer]**

 

 **Taako Hell:** garf my man what are the chances of you setting me up with some of that $$$$$weet ku$$$$$$h this weekend

 **Taako Hell:** papa’s making special brownies

 **Deals Warlock:** Sorry, the phrase “$$$$$weet ku$$$$$$h” triggered my sleeper agent protocol, and now I have to kill you for forcing me to read those words!

 **Taako Hell:** garf

 **Taako Hell:** garf pls

 

**[Chat: Bureau Of Buffoonery]**

 

 **Extreme Teen Bible:** Uh. Did we invite Marvey?

 **Extreme Teen Bible:** Because he is in the screening room watching Fast and the Furious.

 **Burnsides:** Ooh which one

 **Hugbear:** I WILL COME THROW HIM OUT

 **Taako Bell:** woah there big guy no need for that

 **Taako Bell:** we’ve got the whole night ahead of us to settle in for three hours of tommy wiseau’s bare-assed dramafest

 **Extreme Teen Bible:** He told me that he and Jenkins and Brian are going to marathon all eight Fast and Furious movies.

 **Taako Bell:** orrrrrrrr we could get kravitz to exercise his ra powers and throw them out

 **Kravitz:** Absolutely not my department.

 **Taako Bell:** orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 **Taako Bell:** roswell could arrest them

 **Favorite Deputy:** I told you I’m off duty! But you could always file a noise complaint.

 **Favorite Deputy:** Or bust them for drinking in the freshman building though now that I think about it that might be a little hypocritical of you.

 **Sweet Flips 1:** Dw taako we got this

 **Sweet Flips #2:** omw to save the day!!!

 **Burnsides:** Coming to spectate

 **Burnsides:** I mean

 **Burnsides:** To make sure everything is settled with words and not punching

 **Burnsides:** ;)

 **Kravitz:** Those are the least reassuring words I have ever heard.

 **Ram Bam Thank You Ma’am:** Eyy we’re back! Headed to freshman dorm as soon as Sloane gets out of the shower.

 **Ram Bam Thank You Ma’am:** What’d we miss?

 

**[Chat: Nuts To Butts]**

 

 **Lucas:** frisbee team is coming everyone scatter

 **Magic Brian:** well hold on a second. we don’t have to give up the screening room to them.

 **Magic Brian:** they can find somewhere else to watch their terrible movie.

 **Marvey:** says the guy who wanted to watch jupiter ascending

 **Magic Brian:** jupiter ascending is a cult classic and a visually stunning film.

 **Marvey:** sounds fake but ok

 **Lucas:** magnus is with them btw

 **Magic Brian:** oh well then yes we should give up the room.

 **Marvey:** oh dunk

 **Marvey:** i was all jazzed about tokyo drift

 **Jenkins:** Why don’t we reconvene in my suite?

 **Marvey:** sounds like a capital idea jenkins old bean

 **Magic Brian:** be there in five.

 

**[Chat: Bureau Of Buffoonery]**

 

**[Burnsides has added Angus MacDonald to the chat]**

 

 **Angus McDonald:** Hello, friends!

 

**[Chat: Tres Horny Boys]**

 

 **TUFF BOI:** MMMMMMMMMAGNUS


End file.
